[foz]

you need a doctor tim

You're not the first and you won't be the last to lose the plot over a bargirl, trouble is you think you're the only one to feel like this.

[KeeNeow]

Simple test next time you come back to Thailand stay with her and don't give any money other than buying her food and and drinks and see how long she stays with you. I know I m cynical but it is for a good reason I don't believe them.

Originally Posted by KeeNeow

Simple test next time you come back to Thailand stay with her and don't give any money other than buying her food and and drinks and see how long she stays with you. I know I m cynical but it is for a good reason I don't believe them.

I'll go for 5 seconds

[foz]

Ill go if he dosent send her any money she wont even turn up

[Isee]

I didn't think I would be posting again on this thread, but:

I'm going to go against a couple of people here and not be so harsh on the girl. Its very easy for us to sit here and put our negative experiences in LOS to cast a view based on what you have said. To put things into perspective, there is more than one member on this forum who have permanent GF/wives that they first met in the bar scene.

You really need to put things into perspective yourself - so while one can generalise about thais, you might meet 100 thais in a row to confirm that general view and once in a while, you will meet someone who is a bit different (no, this isn't the same as "my girl is different because she's my girl"). So really, you are the best judge to determine the character of someone because you spent the time with her. Being the first time interacting with thais, you just need to learn a few of the common "tricks of the trade" so to speak, which you can assess a girl you think is a bit different.

OK, getting back to putting things into perspective:

1. Thai love is not the same as Western love. Thai love is much more practical than some of the western girls silly notions of a "Shinning Knight" or a "Tall dark and handsome guy" to sweep them off their feet and live happily ever after like all good fairytales end. So you saying you want to secure her heart is really a wrong approach - because bargirls just like anyone else have to protect their feelings just like anyone else and too many bad experiences will make them just as jaded and non-trusting as some of us on here.

2. About being one of the fish in the pond - just being practical. In the West we refer to the ole saying of "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" - thats a concept that thais live by everyday of the week - can't blame the girl for keeping her options open.

3. Time will tell. If you can put your feeling in check for a while, see how things progress with the girl - just keep away from the frequent "I love you - I wait for you" sort of texts - so you need to get that one into check straight away. If between now and going back you start to get requests about not having enough money etc, then you can start to be more critical of her short term motives. Tell her you can't help her and see if she keeps up with the level of contact as before. If she asks for silly amounts like 10k to go see the doctor, once again you have something to confirm where things are. There are 100's of possibilities, if you aren't sure - post it on here and see what some of the responses are. It could well be she wants to decrease the number of guys she sleeps with but also being realistic that bills have to be paid. A modest girl in BKK can get away with about 10k a month (6k for rent and 4k food etc) - anymore and she is choosing the lifestyle she wants to live.

Anyway, that is the gist of things for the moment, if you want to see her again when you get back, tone things down a bit and test things out over the next 9 months. The fact that you are wanting to go live there for a while would be a huge draw card for any girl if you told her. Even though I say thais are generally stupid, some can be quite clever in the short-term to not ask for money etc. Where thais really come unstuck is they aren't very good liars and if you have a good memory, you can generally pick up the inconsistencies. Same with being there and not giving her money, if she is working, she has bills to pay - can't pay her nothing and expect her to take out a chunk of her money for the month just because you are there.

As I said previously, things are both simple and complex in the LOS. If she's after a quick buck, it should become obvious soon enough. If she's looking for long-term security (thai love) then that is going to be a longer road to travel. So basically, no one really knows if she is a hardcore bargirl looking to separate as much cash from you as she can before you wise up or a girl ultimately looking for a guy who will look after her and get her out of the bar scene. There are so many variables, I could write just as much more as I have above. You say you are pretty switched on in assessing people, listen to what people say here and see whether that is applicable to your observations and commonsense. Just don't go from one extreme to the other.

[simie]

Isee, and in another thread you said I think too much!
Simie.

[Isee]

555 Just giving the lad some food for thought - can't have him thinking after 1 trip all thais are liars and scammers - thats an attitude reserved for after the 3rd trip

[charlieparty]

Tim, I've witnessed these love affairs for many years. The track record is not good but I have seen some miracles happen. I can empathize with your situation of being away from women for long stretches of time. I enjoy staying in touch with the bar girls. It gives me a laugh and let's me feel connected to the outside world. But, that's as far as it goes. I don't send them money and I don't delude myself into thinking that they're not telling the next guy the same thing they told me. By the time I make a return trip to whatever city, I'm ready to find the next one. Give yourself a few more trips and all the good advice on this thread will become apparent. You're a young dude and will have plenty of opportunity to settle down with a special girl if that's what you want. I'm a lifelong bachelor with no kids and intend to remain that way. As long as I have cash in my pocket, women around the world will always love me.

What a sensible post. Who let him on here ?