Few jokes for yer
Scientistd have successfully mated an octopus with a paki .The pakopus is still ugly,stinky bastard,but fuck me,can it pack shelves.
Paddy is sunbathing on a nude beach in spain. To prevent sunburn he kept a hat over his BITS!!!A woman walks past sniggering and says"if you where a gentlemen you would lift your hat"...
Paddy replies " if you werent so fucking ugly, it would lift itself"
Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy odered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'
Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your bottom if you get a dodgy one!
Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
Paddy's chat up lines:
1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'Whats his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London!'
An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past & stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick t**ts like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'
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soon will be living the dream
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