Maybe I'm a fool but I think I fell in love
 

For starters this is a little bit of a different trip report than others because it starts in Afghanistan rather than the US. I work as a civilian contractor for the Army. Just got out of the army. I decided that rather than going back to the US I would go to Bangkok for 2 weeks. In a way I think it made my longing for civilization while I am here in Afghanistan even worse. I also think I fell in love with a bar girl who I (maybe foolishly) believe feels the same way.

I started the trip with a one day trip to Dubai in the UAE. Simply the most beautiful city I have ever seen. I had sex with two different girls that night but I didn't think anything of it. It was just sex and I had not seen a woman worth seeing in 6th months. Dubai is basically a rich man's Bangkok I think. Instead of bar girls they have club girls. Most of the girls are asian however. So I was a little disappointed because until I met one particular woman in Bangkok I have not been especially fond of asian women. In fact I was fully intending to go to Bangkok only because I knew that the USD went alot farther in Thailand than in Dubai.

The next day I flew to Bangkok and took a taxi to Nana where I stayed at a hotel called Heaven on Soi 4. Great hotel in my opinion and the prices were reasonable as long as you had a reservation.

Because I was coming to civilization from Afghanistan I spent most of the day shopping for things that most people take for granted. That evening however, I did a grand tour of Nana. I ended up very very drunk that night and brought home a woman whose name I do not remember. In the middle of the night I was woken up to her telling me that I had not payed her yet. She was even trying to go through my stuff but even in my drunken state I had had the sense to lock up my finances. I gave her 2000 Baht and she left without saying a word. Later she called me and asked if I was alright. I said yes. She laughed said okay and hung up. It was a very fun night, not just because of the sex but because everyone was genuinely enjoying themselves on Soi 4.

The next day I did more shopping for Afghanistan throughout the day. Around 1700 I realized that I had not eaten the entire day and decided that I did not want to eat alone. So I walked down to one of the bars near my hotel and ordered a beer waiting for the girls to come to me. It turns out that the first girl that came to me was probably the prettiest girl I had seen since I arrived in Nana. I offered to buy her a drink and afterwards we ate in a restaurant on the first floor of Times Square. She was absolutely stunning and her english was actually pretty good. I loved some of the flaws in her english though. Like how she would say okay-kah or how when something was unpleasant she would say ooow. I just thought it was all very charming but I wasn't in love or anything. I just really admired her.

It is not my style to just take a girl from a bar and be like, “hey lets fuck”. I’m just too nice of a guy and this is probably why in general I have never been very good with women. Maybe it also has to do with me being asian. I don’t think many white women are going to feel comfortable to introduce an asian looking guy to their parents and hence I don’t think they are interested in even starting a relationship.

Anyways. For the entire two weeks we went everywhere together. We went to the Dusit Zoo. We went to the Vertigo (a rooftop bar where she never wanted to go again, cause she later revealed that she was scared out of her mind). We went to see Paul Oakenfold at Narcissus. We went to LED Mondays (electronic music night) at the BedSupperClub. We went swimming and to Karaoke. In the mornings we’d try out the best Dim Sum places that I could find online. In the evenings we would eat sushi or she’d introduce me to some new Thai dish that I never would have found alone. Yes, we also had sex, practically everyday and sometimes several times a day. I have to say that it was the most incredible sex I have ever had. I never initiated it.

She cried 3 times throughout the trip when she thought about that I would have to leave on the 14th of April. She promised that she would wait for me. She even said that she loved me. She said that if I came back to Bangkok that she would HAVE to see me even if she was back in Esan. She never asked for money and on more than one occasion she would make sure that I wasn’t cheated as we traveled all over Bangkok. Other girls in her bar mentioned to me that she never went home with customers and this was the first time she had done so.

Anyways. Now I am back in Afghanistan again waiting to catch a flight back to my base. At first I think I missed her so much I felt a little sick but then I called her to hear her voice and she called me her special name for me and I felt okay again. She was excited to receive my phone call. Once again she said she loved me. It’s difficult to fit all the funny inside jokes and special times we had together into this trip report. I just had the best time I have ever had in my life.

Maybe I’m just crazy. In a way I hope that maybe she doesn’t actually love me because when I left her at the airport to catch my connecting flight to Afghanistan she was crying and it was one of the most heartbreaking things I have experienced. I have a job to do here soon and I need to let this girl go from my mind for 10 months, because In 10 months I’m coming back to Bangkok! Originally I was going to travel many places with my hard earned money but now I think I am going crazy. I am thinking of only going back to Thailand. I am thinking about learning to speak Thai and going to University in Bangkok. I am thinking about using my money from contracting to start a new life there.

Thanks for reading. I just have to get this off my mind.

Fuck 'em and forget 'em , she will be with her next punter now and you are forgotten already *
Ignore this advice and you'll end up like Milkpot.

* Unless you are sending her money of course

Yea probably lost my mind. Maybe in a few days I'll get my sanity back. Thanks.

No not sending her money. That would have set up a red flag right away and I wouldn't even think anything of her anymore.

Look upon it as a fantastic holiday and move on, next time you go back find another nice bird and then do the same.

thats what thailand and the TG's do they get into you somehow and your hooked sounds like your addicted already, but you've had a great trip that you'll never forget and its like a drug you'll be back the next chance you get' hope you meet up with your girl but theres thousands more if you don't :cheers:

Good report TIM.............:thumbsup:

listen to rolly ........forget her,Change yer mobile number as well she will only play mind games with yer.

Nice report. I have had several situations similar to yours. You find a girl, you seem to connect, the sex is good and you give her a little money to help her along. Now it is possible to return and see the same girl again as i have done before , but you need to come to terms with the fact that she has to survive without you and will not sit on her arse waiting and hoping for your return. A couple of things to consider are,....keep a hold of your money and dont have conversations about your money unless it is about how much you need to pay her for services,....read as much as you can about Thailand and its women before you commit yourself .

They are like taxis, there are thousands of them, and just when you think you missed your last one,...bingo, along comes another one and she's just as beautiful and just as engaging .....but the bottom line is,...they are poor and working, and you are the customer, and its largely about the money,.....try to imagine life without money and what you would do to get it.....but every now and then something special does happen, but take it slow , dont rush, test her out, watch out for cracks and flaws and leave plenty of room for tragedy and chaos !!!!!! or you could end up with :custardpie:

Yusamile: So you say that you have had several experiences like mine? How did you deal with the heartache? Time?

I can't stand to be like this. I'm not the type to talk about "love" or going crazy about a woman.

Everyone told me before I left for Bangkok not to believe any woman who says that they "love" you. They also told me that I would become addicted and I laughed at them.

Tim

Thanks for sharing, enjoyed your post.

No advice to give except maybe not to let
your feelings interfere with your job and career, difficult
as that might seem.

Also that bar girls can change with time, one trip
lovely and pleasant then on your return, they`ve hardened.

All the Best.

Remember that it all happened in a couple of weeks, or less ,so its probably not your heart thats aching . Its more than likely a combo of things, eg ; the sex , now that one can be very confusing, lots of people mistake the throes of passion with love, if the sex is good then it must be love, if its lousy, well i did my part. The attention ,...some Thai girls are very good at showing interest and a willingness to take care of you,....some genuine, a lot fake ,but it can be intoxicating either way. Theres a whole bunch of stuff that basically leaves a man feeling like he is special and when you take your leave its The Ego that suffers ,not your heart, not after 2 weeks,...... your suddenly a mere mortal again and while you genuinely miss the funny way she talks and the attention and the sex, soon it will pass and yes time and other things will patch up the wounds the Ego has suffered .

But as i said before, if you really want to explore the jungle of love,....go back,take your machete, dont expose yourself too much and be prepared to spend some time getting to know her . And dont pack your Ego,...if you can help it. Really a Thai girl is like a deep dark jungle and theres all kinds of stuff in there that we dont see , understand or are prepared for . Take it easy Tim, it will pass.:relieved:

Thanks everyone. I am feeling much better now. Actually I feel more motivated to get back to work now because I know exactly why I am working

To go back to Thailand!

the first few weeks of leaving LOS is without doubt one of the most depressing times of your life i know it takes about 3 to 4 weeks of getting back into a routine of work ect before that horrible feeling starts to go and then your thinking about planning your next trip and looking forward to it 10 months will soon pass and you'll be back on the way to the airport to board your flight to a mongers paradise just keep your head down and you'll be back before you realise it :MyEmoticons-com__sl

Ooops!!! They got another one.

Welcome to the club mate. I was you 10 years and nearly 25 trips ago.

I met some Brits over at Hillary 1 on Soi 4 and one of them told me that he had come to LOS on holiday and never returned. He told me he had been in country for 6 years now!

I thought "this guy is crazy", because I talked to those Brits on my first day in Bangkok but now that my holiday is over I completely understand.

I kept thinking at the airport of my last day, "maybe there is some way I could squeeze in another day". Then my girl was crying at the airport making it so much harder. I remember looking out the window as I flew away feeling miserable. I even happened to get a business class seat because of some seating problem on the flight but I didn't eat anything or watch any movies or enjoy any of the amenities offered by business class on an Emirates flight. I felt sick. I just sat in my seat playing the videos I took of my girl on my blackberry over and over. Either that or looking at pictures I took of Bangkok.

Then I got in Afghanistan and the contrast was way too much. I was supposed to check in with my company as soon as I arrived but I didn't. I went to a tent and took out a little water gun that I got from the Songkran festivities and drank the few drops of water that were left inside. I took out a small bear that my thai girlfriend had given me and kissed it. Then I called her and asked her if she loved me. Of course she said yes and I said I loved her too. Then I told her I had to go and hung up. I suddenly didn't feel as sick anymore but my mind was telling me the whole time, "Tim, you need to let go". But I couldn't. I needed to tell someone where I had been and what had happened and that is why I wrote this trip report.

My thai girlfriend gave me a small bear and told me that when I am in Afghanistan that this is her. She told me that now you can hug and kiss me wherever you go. I said okay and kissed her and I want more than anything to just throw that damn bear away and forget it all but I can't. I wont until I can plainly see that she is only trying to trick me for money or maybe that she is not interested in me anymore.

I haven't given her any money since I got here in Afghanistan but if she asks I will say no. I will throw the bear away and forget. It's a really horrible feeling. I only had this feeling one other time in my life and that was after my first serious relationship when I swore I would never allow myself to fall in love again.

I NEED to go back in 10 months because of this girl and also because I think Bangkok is where I belong. I think I should have lived in Bangkok a long time ago. I think my entire life I have been a foreigner. I'm actually half chinese and half mexican. So when I go to Hong Kong to see my relatives the locals treat me as a foreigner. When I am doing my thing in the US, Americans treat me like a foreigner. When I went to high school in England, Brits treated me as a foreigner. Bangkok was the only place I have ever been to where I have not felt like a foreigner. Everyone thinks I'm Thai there. I think I finally know what it is like to be normal and I want to always feel this way.

That last part is very interesting Tim, i know what its like to always be looking for somewhere to fit in :hiding:. Sometimes i feel more at home in Thailand than i do at home. Its as i said before, the place is intoxicating,...its culture, its food, the lifestyle , its affordability and mostly its women :asslick:. And many have become spellbound by it and suffered by not keeping a level head and keeping one foot in reality. But as long as you keep doing what you have done here and get reality checks from time to time, you stand a good chance of keeping your sanity and your money and have a hell of a time. :riverdance:

Get a life ..................................Bin the bear

There is some really good advice on this thread.

I'll give you some as well.

How you are feeling is normal. Think about it in black and white.
I'd guess your job and lifestyle in Afganistan is a bit boring. You haven't got a girlfriend. You are mixed race and don't feel like you belong.

Suddenly, you have discovered this wonderful place. Thailand.

Everyone likes you. Days are spent walking round shopping, having sex and drinking.

First time you go out looking for a female partner you not only meet your dream girl but she falls in love with you.

You spend the rest of the holiday having sex and you are both broken hearted to part.

And they all lived happily ever after.....................


But they don't.

It's about your money my friend.

If you had turned up in Bangkok with no money you would have been treated like a dog. For starters, Thai's are the most racist people on planet earth. Yes, they act lovely to foreigners if they get money out of them but that's all.

When your girl walked up to you. If you hadn't bought her a drink and acted in a kind hearted manner that gave her the right signs,she wouldn't have bothered speaking to you.

Most blokes on here have fallen for TG's exactly the same as you.

Now here is what you don't know.

Your girl probably did have big feelings for you while you were with her. She's probably had this senario several times and is in contact with all the men.

When you went home and told your mates about what a loving girl you had met, she was on the phone to her mother saying ' I think I have man fall in love with me'.

Like the hooks been baited. See what happens.

Thai girls bait lots of hooks hoping a fish will bite. It's all they can do. They only have their pussy and mouth to snare you. The money is in your pocket. That's the only tools they have to extract it.

It would take too long to explain on here all the Thai culture issues, bar girl mentality, relationships between working girls and customers and money relationships.

To be honest even if you read it all and understood it some things can only be learned through experience.

I promise you what you are feeling/thinking is not the same as whats going on in your girls head.

Thailand and Thai girls are great.

If you start coming here there is no reason you can't find happiness with a girl.

However, before you even think about settling down with one I'd tick all these box's.


1. Fuck at least 100 different Thai girls.

2. Go long time (ie spend days/weeks/months) with lots of them.

3. Have arguements and fights with some.

4. Go home with some and meet the family.

5. Go short time with lots of them.

6. Talk to as many as you can.

7. Learn about Thai culture and more importantly Thai bar culture.

8. Speak to as many people as you can who have married bar girls.

After that lot you might be ready for a crack at one.

Young fella like yourself. I'd come here for fun and leave it at that if you can.


10 months is like 100 years in the life of a bar girl. She probably won't be seeing you next trip. You'll spend a day or so mopping around then you'll meet another one and have just as much fun. Dont worry about it.

I'll use Mirkys reply to add some of my own thoughts for the OP.

Unfortunately very true. Thais are about getting money from others while keeping their own. You may think you have found an exception, but its just a facade - even if she was driving around in a Porsche and shopping at Paragon on daddys credit card, she's just as interested in your wealth as much as a pattaya bargirl.

Very true again, the best case scenario for you is that you might (on the looks/age/wealth department) be the preferred fish in the bowl, but if one of the other fish offer her a good enough deal today, you aren't No. 1 on the list anymore. A smart girl will keep you on the backburner in case things don't work out and give you any number of reasons to the change of their availability. They are looking for financial security (be that short or longterm), it doesn't matter if that security is you or someone else despite what they may say.

Agreed, even if you wrote a book on it, someone somewhere will say its rubbish and that they know this thai/wife/GF etc....Yes there are the exceptions, but its easier to talk broadly to get the point across instead of diluting your point all the time with qualifying exceptions.

I could tell you after all my observations that the general population of thai people are stupid who focus only on the gains of today rather than the riches of tomorrow. Thais are so caught up on being materialistic and gaining "face" - that they do some very stupid things. One example is a thai guy who spent 100k baht on building a "bung-fai" (rocket) and then had his car repossessed the next month because he missed his car payments to pay for the rocket. Why did he do it? He wanted to big note himself to the locals and gain that all important "thai face" at the expense of his daily transport.

But as I said, someone will take an exception to such a broad statement and come back saying its just being the "usual thai bashing". I've met guys who had such a strong view that everything was the usual "thai bashing" and met them some time later holding quite a different view. Its all about how much you see and how much your eyes are open. Plonking yourself in your favourite beerbar in Pattaya is not going to give you the insight of seeing how the games can be quite similar elsewhere in thailand. The more savy you get with how things are suppose to be, the more you should start to see that thai smile dip a little each time. When they work out they can't play you, you then start to see the real thai attitude.

Agreed, the hard part is finding the right girl for you. Some will dismiss Issan girls (whether they are bargirls or not) as never being suitable - but the supposedly Hi-So thai/chinese girls are just as good (if not better) at fukking you over than any village lass.

I know a very educated girl in BKK whose profession is an accountant whose company does consultant work for companies checking their financial records etc (investigative stuff). When I first met her she had the usual story - thai BF's are bad etc etc and after having a farang BF for a while, she could never have another thai BF again. Its been about 2 years now (we've just been friends) and she finally exposed a bit of truth that she really wants a "good" (aka well off) thai/chinese guy, but is settling for a farang because she knows she won't snag said thai/chinese guy. The reason why, is that while she herself has got a chunk of thai/chinese DNA, one of her grandparents is full Issan. Yep, a well off thai/chinese family wouldn't allow their son to marry into such a family if the son doesn't want to be financially disowned. So the poor farang sod that marries her will never be what she really wanted - despite her denying that is the case.

hmmmm...you'd have to have a few trips under your belt and pretty confident about some of the games that go on in the village on such trips. Unless you've gone through everything else and "think" the girl is right for you, I don't see any point going to their village - especially if you are only over for 2 something weeks.

Two final comments:

1. Yusa is right about about likening it to a jungle - you are only going to see and understand so much. After a while of hacking away, you might see a little farther. The thai way is both simplistic and complex - a lot of hacking at the jungle to start to see what things are about.

2. Not sure if it was Yusa or Mirky who raised this point - life goes on after you leave and the girls still have to pay for rent etc. Some guys accept that the bird will continue working (yes she was on the job with you) and some can't deal with that reality. Its the latter who are the most willing to go down the full-time sponsorship route. Despite what a lot of girls will say, not all of them are looking forward to returning to village life.

I now have a lump of concrete for a heart and a peanut for a brain when I go on my hols. That way I don't think too much or get carried away with stupid ideas

^ don't you have two peanuts down there for that brain?? :MyEmoticons-com__er

I have to let her go. This is what she emailed me:

I think she said because I had come during the Thai New Year but maybe she meant holiday in general.

I wont email her or call her anymore. I will only reply but not initiate.

Thank you all.

Very strange for a thai bird to refer to herself as a buffalo...almost unheard of.

drink the beer its should be illegal to throw away good beer

Yea the buffalo thing is an inside joke. We are both buffalos. I actually had a whole bar on Soi 4 doing the special buffalo dance one evening.

Got any video of that, never heard of it.

Well, basically it's a dance that we made up together as a joke. I asked her, what animal do you want to be because we were thinking about going to the zoo. She said "Cat, no wait, I think buffalo". We started laughing.

After the zoo we went drinking at the bar that she works and I asked her how a buffalo can dance. She said she didn't know, so I took two fingers and put them on my head like horns and danced a little. Then a few of the other bar girls laughed and started doing it. Then some farangs started doing it. Basically several tequila shots later the whole bar was making little horns dancing and nobody knew why they were doing it.

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath.

One of the million reasons why I need to go back to Bangkok.

Give her the flick, if you don't you'll end up like Mirkwood

Tim, yes Bangkok is a great place but one thing to remember as well as the other things previous posters have said is that how ever long you stay in Bangkok you are a foreigner as far as the Thais are concerned and always will be. Even if you are mistaken for a Thai at first sight they will know you are farang as soon as you open your mouth and it is very unlikley you will ever be able to speak Thai well enough to fool them otherwise.
Simie.

I think it is already too late for you Tim. Throw your phone away now and you may still have chance if not you we will talking about you as the new Mirkwood for years too come.

I must admit to being surprised at this quote.

I always thought Roland had a lobotomy :bigfinger

After 3 more years in this war, I'm seriously thinking about moving to Bangkok.

Yea, I'm insane but I am thinking about it seriously.

It's not for the girl I met. It's because I belong there. I never felt home anywhere else I have lived (US, England, Afghanistan, China, Mexico, United Arab Emirates). I can't explain it. I feel homesick right now and it's not for the Fayetteville, North Carolina or Uxbridge, Middlesex. It's for Bangkok, Thailand.

I'll use the money from my contracts to finance a tuition, room, and board at a university in Bangkok. I made great grades at University of Michigan so there shouldn't be a problem getting accepted. I'll get a graduate degree there and then start a new life. I really think I can pull it off.

I'm not talking about getting married or financing a gold digging bitch. I'm talking about moving to Bangkok and making it work.

Tim, well good luck to you if you can make it work. However be aware that a lot of Universities in Thailand are crap and any qualification from them would be relatively worthless. Also of course you would be limited to a small numbers of Universities and courses that are offered in English.
Simie.

Fatal mistake , Bangkok is for holidays and fucking whores.

Tim wait till you get a load of female Thai Uni students , you wont learn a thing, you'll never be able to concentrate in class . Google it and see for yourself. One of my favorite past times in Chiang Mai was eating ice cream in Swensens in the mall and watching the girls from the uni across the road come in after school. Tight white blouses, short tight black skirts, high heels and long legs , pert breasts, beautiful creamy white skin , long black hair, stunning :eyepop:....and they were the boys .

And gorgeous Thai uni students won't look twice unless with disdain at a fat falang sex tourist , even one who looks a bit 50/50

Not true at all - uni girls need money as well, so some of them will be up for having a sponsor or a quick burst to their finances when the rent is due etc (be it thai or farang). The problem is they haven't really had much contact with farangs and the communication barrier (if you can't speak thai at a conversational level) will be the real deal breaker. I reckon Yusa would have a good shot at getting one, however having seen a pic of you Roland, I can understand why they would react as you described :hello:

Hark at Brad Pitt :bigfinger

Tim are you winding us up..............is this mirky in another name?

No I promise you that I am someone completely different and really am as crazy as I sound

sdfsdfs
 

.........................:hoho: