I thought you preferred 50 year old Beach Road skanks :mooney:

Oh dear. Full of venom as ususal.:raspberry:

And you want to get a spell checker

This story of a foreign guy who goes to Nana and falls in love with a bar girl has played out an uncountable number of times. I knew about this happening to men even before I left for Thailand but the reason why I can fall for something I knew was coming was because it was so convincing.

She cried three times over the two weeks that I was there because I was talking about "when I leave...". She never asked for money but yes I did give it to her. When we made love she initiated it. When I call her she tells me that she loves me. All her friends told me that I was the first person she had ever gone home with let alone spend 2 weeks with. They told *her* (not me) not to fall in love.

It's too convincing. I tell this to people who have been to Bangkok before and they tell me that something similar happened to them too. Maybe this girl is different but how could I ever know that the way she acted was not just an elaborate plot to get into my finances.

I can't stand the idea that dating has to be as hard as it is for me back in the US. I hate how in the west I go out and maybe find some girl to bring along but she isn't the most beautiful woman I could want. I have to "settle" with someone. Or maybe she is beautiful but has a feeling of entitlement proportional to her beauty. In Bangkok I just sat down at a bar by myself, and the most beautiful woman in the bar walked up to me and said, "Hello, etc etc well, welcome to Bangkok". Then we went out all over town and although she was beautiful she didn't feel like every guy owed her something. But maybe none of it was real. I remember when I we were in one of the really posh clubs I asked her, "Am I dreaming?" and she said, "No, you are not dreaming" and then pinched my leg to demonstrate.

Me walking up to someone I like and for them to be shocked that someone like me would even ask the time of day, is the reality.

It's like for 2 weeks I was living someone else's life but then I woke up and realized that no, I am not THAT successful, or THAT attractive and I just want to go back to sleep.

I don't think alot of people are prepared for all the entire world has to offer (both the bad and the good). I think the world is dangerous. Not just because of obvious things like third country nationals with AK-47s but because of ALL the desires and temptations outside of the comfortable place I used to live in North Carolina. I think there are still many things I have not seen that you can desire so much that you would do ANYTHING for. I think everything that is out there is mostly documented but not really well known to most people. Bangkok I think is an example of this.

She is a whore who fucks guys like you for a living. She simply told you what you wanted to hear and right now she is sucking another guys dick telling him the same thing.

Tim

The girl is one of two things:

1. A bargirl who's job it is to make you (or any other customer) feel good and is paid in return. She quickly works out what you want and tells you exactly what you want to hear. Its all part of the job.

2. The real deal. How your going to establish this is impossible as your not even in the same country, don't understand the culture and cant speak the language. Same as me.

As you met her in a bar then by default she is a bargirl, maybe not as hardened as others but that will be acquired in a matter of weeks. Obviously on your next trip meet up with her if you want and take it from there, but just concentrate on having a good time.

As for "belonging" in Thailand I think most of us feel the same way, although the pull may be stronger for you. One thing though, Thailand does not want us on a permanent basis. Bear that in mind. You might think you belong there but any Thai will tell you different and that is backed up with strict Government legislation.

Hope it all works out for you. You eventually get used to thinking about the LOS every day, longing to return and logging on to Thailand related web boards every day.

I was warned before I went to Thailand that I would be "fucked for ever" and I am. So are you now.

If its not mirky in desquise its some other odd bod...................should we have a poll on who it is ?

Come on and be realistic, there is more chance of Shergar being found than the second option being right. You say it yourself that there is a language and culture barrier and she has simply played the game and hooked another punter.
I bet you a million quid she is a hardcore pro and more regular punters than I've had hot dinners.

I do, but WTF has that got to do with anything :dunno: ? Pay closer attention to my trip reports and you'll notice i dont restrict myself to a particular age bracket or a particular look,...i'll fuck em all. :raspberry:.

Tim, I knew a guy in the American armed services who was stationed in the Middle East and almost identical to you came to Phuket for the first time and fell for a bargirl. We warned him, but he thought she was different and started investing money and time into her . But she never left the bar even though she said she would and she was off with another farang while he was still sending her money. Its really hard to know what to do,....but go slow and keep your wits about you,.....thats if you can while your under the spell of the raven haired seductress.

One of the unfortunate things about Thailand is that so many lying conniving bar girls have fucked it up for any girls that are possibly genuine. So many girls have fucked over so many guys before with the exact same scenario your in now,....the tears , the genuine concern, not asking for money etc ( now in some cases thats almost the best way to guarantee getting paid . The less a girl talks about money with me the more i am inclined to give her,...its like reverse psychology and when it come to money TG's are pretty clever ) , which leads you to think as so many have thought before " maybe she's different " .

Its a little like the Thai version of " The boy who cried Wolf ", only its " The girl who cried and said she loved me ",...... how can you really know the truth. :dunno:

Just trying to use a bit of tact and diplomacy Loland and looking at things from the two differing points of view.

Personally I would go with Option 1 but the OP is unlikely to see things in such a simplistic way.

Okay I'm done with her. I'm letting her go and NOTHING she says or does will change that. God help me.

Is this how crack addicts feel?

Still going to apply at Chulalongkorn Uni though.

my monies on you your the one all loved up :snigger: :snigger:

so whats made you feel like this tim your nine months away from your next trip a text a week will keep in touch with her, then when your there meet a new girl see if its the same or not and make your decisions then :juggle:

Everybody knows about the story of the farang who falls in love with a thai bar girl but I thought I was different because I'm young and think I am an excellent judge of character. I think I am actually a pretty cynical and suspicious person so I like to think that nothing gets past me.

In the past if I have been tricked or cheated it is because I saw the warning signs but completely ignored them.

However, the more I read these forums the more suspicious I become of my girl. I told her before I left that I understood that she needs to work. I even told her that if she needs to sleep with customers in order to make it in Bangkok that I would understand but I told her that it was her heart that I wanted.

I am suspicious that her heart is not mine and that it was never mine. I don't like to have this doubt in my mind for 9 months. So I just want to let her go (I struggle with myself though).

Here's her texting on my company phone yesterday:



I swear if after all I have seen, if she isn't crazy about me, then any guy who goes to Land of Siam is doomed. It's like Bangkok is the blackhole for men's hearts.

I am not the kind of person to talk about "love" or how I "feel" about some woman. I haven't had my heart broken since I was 15 when I thought I "learned" better than to let a girl lead me on. They have ever since meant nothing to me. Something that was secondary to my career or education, but then this girl came along in my vacation away from my vacation and I realized that I can still want a woman to desire me and not just the other way around.

If she's crazy about me then I hurt cause I am suspicious. If she's not crazy about me then I hurt cause she isn't.

you need a doctor tim

You're not the first and you won't be the last to lose the plot over a bargirl, trouble is you think you're the only one to feel like this.

Simple test next time you come back to Thailand stay with her and don't give any money other than buying her food and and drinks and see how long she stays with you. I know I m cynical but it is for a good reason I don't believe them.

I'll go for 5 seconds

Ill go if he dosent send her any money she wont even turn up

I didn't think I would be posting again on this thread, but:

I'm going to go against a couple of people here and not be so harsh on the girl. Its very easy for us to sit here and put our negative experiences in LOS to cast a view based on what you have said. To put things into perspective, there is more than one member on this forum who have permanent GF/wives that they first met in the bar scene.

You really need to put things into perspective yourself - so while one can generalise about thais, you might meet 100 thais in a row to confirm that general view and once in a while, you will meet someone who is a bit different (no, this isn't the same as "my girl is different because she's my girl"). So really, you are the best judge to determine the character of someone because you spent the time with her. Being the first time interacting with thais, you just need to learn a few of the common "tricks of the trade" so to speak, which you can assess a girl you think is a bit different.

OK, getting back to putting things into perspective:

1. Thai love is not the same as Western love. Thai love is much more practical than some of the western girls silly notions of a "Shinning Knight" or a "Tall dark and handsome guy" to sweep them off their feet and live happily ever after like all good fairytales end. So you saying you want to secure her heart is really a wrong approach - because bargirls just like anyone else have to protect their feelings just like anyone else and too many bad experiences will make them just as jaded and non-trusting as some of us on here.

2. About being one of the fish in the pond - just being practical. In the West we refer to the ole saying of "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" - thats a concept that thais live by everyday of the week - can't blame the girl for keeping her options open.

3. Time will tell. If you can put your feeling in check for a while, see how things progress with the girl - just keep away from the frequent "I love you - I wait for you" sort of texts - so you need to get that one into check straight away. If between now and going back you start to get requests about not having enough money etc, then you can start to be more critical of her short term motives. Tell her you can't help her and see if she keeps up with the level of contact as before. If she asks for silly amounts like 10k to go see the doctor, once again you have something to confirm where things are. There are 100's of possibilities, if you aren't sure - post it on here and see what some of the responses are. It could well be she wants to decrease the number of guys she sleeps with but also being realistic that bills have to be paid. A modest girl in BKK can get away with about 10k a month (6k for rent and 4k food etc) - anymore and she is choosing the lifestyle she wants to live.

Anyway, that is the gist of things for the moment, if you want to see her again when you get back, tone things down a bit and test things out over the next 9 months. The fact that you are wanting to go live there for a while would be a huge draw card for any girl if you told her. Even though I say thais are generally stupid, some can be quite clever in the short-term to not ask for money etc. Where thais really come unstuck is they aren't very good liars and if you have a good memory, you can generally pick up the inconsistencies. Same with being there and not giving her money, if she is working, she has bills to pay - can't pay her nothing and expect her to take out a chunk of her money for the month just because you are there.

As I said previously, things are both simple and complex in the LOS. If she's after a quick buck, it should become obvious soon enough. If she's looking for long-term security (thai love) then that is going to be a longer road to travel. So basically, no one really knows if she is a hardcore bargirl looking to separate as much cash from you as she can before you wise up or a girl ultimately looking for a guy who will look after her and get her out of the bar scene. There are so many variables, I could write just as much more as I have above. You say you are pretty switched on in assessing people, listen to what people say here and see whether that is applicable to your observations and commonsense. Just don't go from one extreme to the other.

Isee, and in another thread you said I think too much!
Simie.

555 Just giving the lad some food for thought - can't have him thinking after 1 trip all thais are liars and scammers - thats an attitude reserved for after the 3rd trip :propbar:

Tim, I've witnessed these love affairs for many years. The track record is not good but I have seen some miracles happen. I can empathize with your situation of being away from women for long stretches of time. I enjoy staying in touch with the bar girls. It gives me a laugh and let's me feel connected to the outside world. But, that's as far as it goes. I don't send them money and I don't delude myself into thinking that they're not telling the next guy the same thing they told me. By the time I make a return trip to whatever city, I'm ready to find the next one. Give yourself a few more trips and all the good advice on this thread will become apparent. You're a young dude and will have plenty of opportunity to settle down with a special girl if that's what you want. I'm a lifelong bachelor with no kids and intend to remain that way. As long as I have cash in my pocket, women around the world will always love me.

What a sensible post. Who let him on here ?

Thanks Roland. That was good for a laugh. You should have seen me last month in AC. I was head over heels in love and acting like the last of the bigtime spenders. Not to mention pissed out of my head every night.

Sounds like me and Baz there dancing

It's me under an alias

not chav enough...thought you were glitterman:nono:

Hope you have some pics to post here

Wish I did. I'd surely share. I'll work on that for next trip.

Charlie.

Dont get lulled into false sense of security. Rolands mentally challenged.

I reckon that applies to most of us on this board. Will the sane ones among us please identify themselves?

That would be me then............. dancing

There is so much to read on this topic,

My advise is unless you are in Thailand keep this situation cool, it will just do your head in otherwise. Keep busy stay in basic contact and then see how things go when you get back.
10 months is a long long time in the life of a bargirl, be prepared for upset and shock.