Maybe I'm a fool but I think I fell in love

[timanonymous]

For starters this is a little bit of a different trip report than others because it starts in Afghanistan rather than the US. I work as a civilian contractor for the Army. Just got out of the army. I decided that rather than going back to the US I would go to Bangkok for 2 weeks. In a way I think it made my longing for civilization while I am here in Afghanistan even worse. I also think I fell in love with a bar girl who I (maybe foolishly) believe feels the same way.

I started the trip with a one day trip to Dubai in the UAE. Simply the most beautiful city I have ever seen. I had sex with two different girls that night but I didn't think anything of it. It was just sex and I had not seen a woman worth seeing in 6th months. Dubai is basically a rich man's Bangkok I think. Instead of bar girls they have club girls. Most of the girls are asian however. So I was a little disappointed because until I met one particular woman in Bangkok I have not been especially fond of asian women. In fact I was fully intending to go to Bangkok only because I knew that the USD went alot farther in Thailand than in Dubai.

The next day I flew to Bangkok and took a taxi to Nana where I stayed at a hotel called Heaven on Soi 4. Great hotel in my opinion and the prices were reasonable as long as you had a reservation.

Because I was coming to civilization from Afghanistan I spent most of the day shopping for things that most people take for granted. That evening however, I did a grand tour of Nana. I ended up very very drunk that night and brought home a woman whose name I do not remember. In the middle of the night I was woken up to her telling me that I had not payed her yet. She was even trying to go through my stuff but even in my drunken state I had had the sense to lock up my finances. I gave her 2000 Baht and she left without saying a word. Later she called me and asked if I was alright. I said yes. She laughed said okay and hung up. It was a very fun night, not just because of the sex but because everyone was genuinely enjoying themselves on Soi 4.

The next day I did more shopping for Afghanistan throughout the day. Around 1700 I realized that I had not eaten the entire day and decided that I did not want to eat alone. So I walked down to one of the bars near my hotel and ordered a beer waiting for the girls to come to me. It turns out that the first girl that came to me was probably the prettiest girl I had seen since I arrived in Nana. I offered to buy her a drink and afterwards we ate in a restaurant on the first floor of Times Square. She was absolutely stunning and her english was actually pretty good. I loved some of the flaws in her english though. Like how she would say okay-kah or how when something was unpleasant she would say ooow. I just thought it was all very charming but I wasn't in love or anything. I just really admired her.

It is not my style to just take a girl from a bar and be like, “hey lets fuck”. I’m just too nice of a guy and this is probably why in general I have never been very good with women. Maybe it also has to do with me being asian. I don’t think many white women are going to feel comfortable to introduce an asian looking guy to their parents and hence I don’t think they are interested in even starting a relationship.

Anyways. For the entire two weeks we went everywhere together. We went to the Dusit Zoo. We went to the Vertigo (a rooftop bar where she never wanted to go again, cause she later revealed that she was scared out of her mind). We went to see Paul Oakenfold at Narcissus. We went to LED Mondays (electronic music night) at the BedSupperClub. We went swimming and to Karaoke. In the mornings we’d try out the best Dim Sum places that I could find online. In the evenings we would eat sushi or she’d introduce me to some new Thai dish that I never would have found alone. Yes, we also had sex, practically everyday and sometimes several times a day. I have to say that it was the most incredible sex I have ever had. I never initiated it.

She cried 3 times throughout the trip when she thought about that I would have to leave on the 14th of April. She promised that she would wait for me. She even said that she loved me. She said that if I came back to Bangkok that she would HAVE to see me even if she was back in Esan. She never asked for money and on more than one occasion she would make sure that I wasn’t cheated as we traveled all over Bangkok. Other girls in her bar mentioned to me that she never went home with customers and this was the first time she had done so.

Anyways. Now I am back in Afghanistan again waiting to catch a flight back to my base. At first I think I missed her so much I felt a little sick but then I called her to hear her voice and she called me her special name for me and I felt okay again. She was excited to receive my phone call. Once again she said she loved me. It’s difficult to fit all the funny inside jokes and special times we had together into this trip report. I just had the best time I have ever had in my life.

Maybe I’m just crazy. In a way I hope that maybe she doesn’t actually love me because when I left her at the airport to catch my connecting flight to Afghanistan she was crying and it was one of the most heartbreaking things I have experienced. I have a job to do here soon and I need to let this girl go from my mind for 10 months, because In 10 months I’m coming back to Bangkok! Originally I was going to travel many places with my hard earned money but now I think I am going crazy. I am thinking of only going back to Thailand. I am thinking about learning to speak Thai and going to University in Bangkok. I am thinking about using my money from contracting to start a new life there.

Thanks for reading. I just have to get this off my mind.

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[ROLAND]

Fuck 'em and forget 'em , she will be with her next punter now and you are forgotten already *
Ignore this advice and you'll end up like Milkpot.

* Unless you are sending her money of course

[timanonymous]

Yea probably lost my mind. Maybe in a few days I'll get my sanity back. Thanks.

No not sending her money. That would have set up a red flag right away and I wouldn't even think anything of her anymore.

[ROLAND]

Yea probably lost my mind. Maybe in a few days I'll get my sanity back. Thanks.

Look upon it as a fantastic holiday and move on, next time you go back find another nice bird and then do the same.

[bigphill67]

thats what thailand and the TG's do they get into you somehow and your hooked sounds like your addicted already, but you've had a great trip that you'll never forget and its like a drug you'll be back the next chance you get' hope you meet up with your girl but theres thousands more if you don't :cheers:

[foz]

Good report TIM.............:thumbsup:

listen to rolly ........forget her,Change yer mobile number as well she will only play mind games with yer.

[yusamile]

Nice report. I have had several situations similar to yours. You find a girl, you seem to connect, the sex is good and you give her a little money to help her along. Now it is possible to return and see the same girl again as i have done before , but you need to come to terms with the fact that she has to survive without you and will not sit on her arse waiting and hoping for your return. A couple of things to consider are,....keep a hold of your money and dont have conversations about your money unless it is about how much you need to pay her for services,....read as much as you can about Thailand and its women before you commit yourself .

They are like taxis, there are thousands of them, and just when you think you missed your last one,...bingo, along comes another one and she's just as beautiful and just as engaging .....but the bottom line is,...they are poor and working, and you are the customer, and its largely about the money,.....try to imagine life without money and what you would do to get it.....but every now and then something special does happen, but take it slow , dont rush, test her out, watch out for cracks and flaws and leave plenty of room for tragedy and chaos !!!!!! or you could end up with :custardpie:

[timanonymous]

Yusamile: So you say that you have had several experiences like mine? How did you deal with the heartache? Time?

I can't stand to be like this. I'm not the type to talk about "love" or going crazy about a woman.

Everyone told me before I left for Bangkok not to believe any woman who says that they "love" you. They also told me that I would become addicted and I laughed at them.

[roamer]

Tim

Thanks for sharing, enjoyed your post.

No advice to give except maybe not to let
your feelings interfere with your job and career, difficult
as that might seem.

Also that bar girls can change with time, one trip
lovely and pleasant then on your return, they`ve hardened.

All the Best.

[yusamile]

Yusamile: So you say that you have had several experiences like mine? How did you deal with the heartache? Time?

I can't stand to be like this. I'm not the type to talk about "love" or going crazy about a woman.

Everyone told me before I left for Bangkok not to believe any woman who says that they "love" you. They also told me that I would become addicted and I laughed at them.

Remember that it all happened in a couple of weeks, or less ,so its probably not your heart thats aching . Its more than likely a combo of things, eg ; the sex , now that one can be very confusing, lots of people mistake the throes of passion with love, if the sex is good then it must be love, if its lousy, well i did my part. The attention ,...some Thai girls are very good at showing interest and a willingness to take care of you,....some genuine, a lot fake ,but it can be intoxicating either way. Theres a whole bunch of stuff that basically leaves a man feeling like he is special and when you take your leave its The Ego that suffers ,not your heart, not after 2 weeks,...... your suddenly a mere mortal again and while you genuinely miss the funny way she talks and the attention and the sex, soon it will pass and yes time and other things will patch up the wounds the Ego has suffered .

But as i said before, if you really want to explore the jungle of love,....go back,take your machete, dont expose yourself too much and be prepared to spend some time getting to know her . And dont pack your Ego,...if you can help it. Really a Thai girl is like a deep dark jungle and theres all kinds of stuff in there that we dont see , understand or are prepared for . Take it easy Tim, it will pass.:relieved:

[timanonymous]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling much better now. Actually I feel more motivated to get back to work now because I know exactly why I am working

To go back to Thailand!

[bigphill67]

the first few weeks of leaving LOS is without doubt one of the most depressing times of your life i know it takes about 3 to 4 weeks of getting back into a routine of work ect before that horrible feeling starts to go and then your thinking about planning your next trip and looking forward to it 10 months will soon pass and you'll be back on the way to the airport to board your flight to a mongers paradise just keep your head down and you'll be back before you realise it :MyEmoticons-com__sl

[woodman2]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling much better now. Actually I feel more motivated to get back to work now because I know exactly why I am working

To go back to Thailand!

Ooops!!! They got another one.

Welcome to the club mate. I was you 10 years and nearly 25 trips ago.

[timanonymous]

I met some Brits over at Hillary 1 on Soi 4 and one of them told me that he had come to LOS on holiday and never returned. He told me he had been in country for 6 years now!

I thought "this guy is crazy", because I talked to those Brits on my first day in Bangkok but now that my holiday is over I completely understand.

I kept thinking at the airport of my last day, "maybe there is some way I could squeeze in another day". Then my girl was crying at the airport making it so much harder. I remember looking out the window as I flew away feeling miserable. I even happened to get a business class seat because of some seating problem on the flight but I didn't eat anything or watch any movies or enjoy any of the amenities offered by business class on an Emirates flight. I felt sick. I just sat in my seat playing the videos I took of my girl on my blackberry over and over. Either that or looking at pictures I took of Bangkok.

Then I got in Afghanistan and the contrast was way too much. I was supposed to check in with my company as soon as I arrived but I didn't. I went to a tent and took out a little water gun that I got from the Songkran festivities and drank the few drops of water that were left inside. I took out a small bear that my thai girlfriend had given me and kissed it. Then I called her and asked her if she loved me. Of course she said yes and I said I loved her too. Then I told her I had to go and hung up. I suddenly didn't feel as sick anymore but my mind was telling me the whole time, "Tim, you need to let go". But I couldn't. I needed to tell someone where I had been and what had happened and that is why I wrote this trip report.

My thai girlfriend gave me a small bear and told me that when I am in Afghanistan that this is her. She told me that now you can hug and kiss me wherever you go. I said okay and kissed her and I want more than anything to just throw that damn bear away and forget it all but I can't. I wont until I can plainly see that she is only trying to trick me for money or maybe that she is not interested in me anymore.

I haven't given her any money since I got here in Afghanistan but if she asks I will say no. I will throw the bear away and forget. It's a really horrible feeling. I only had this feeling one other time in my life and that was after my first serious relationship when I swore I would never allow myself to fall in love again.

I NEED to go back in 10 months because of this girl and also because I think Bangkok is where I belong. I think I should have lived in Bangkok a long time ago. I think my entire life I have been a foreigner. I'm actually half chinese and half mexican. So when I go to Hong Kong to see my relatives the locals treat me as a foreigner. When I am doing my thing in the US, Americans treat me like a foreigner. When I went to high school in England, Brits treated me as a foreigner. Bangkok was the only place I have ever been to where I have not felt like a foreigner. Everyone thinks I'm Thai there. I think I finally know what it is like to be normal and I want to always feel this way.

[yusamile]

That last part is very interesting Tim, i know what its like to always be looking for somewhere to fit in :hiding:. Sometimes i feel more at home in Thailand than i do at home. Its as i said before, the place is intoxicating,...its culture, its food, the lifestyle , its affordability and mostly its women :asslick:. And many have become spellbound by it and suffered by not keeping a level head and keeping one foot in reality. But as long as you keep doing what you have done here and get reality checks from time to time, you stand a good chance of keeping your sanity and your money and have a hell of a time. :riverdance:

[foz]

Get a life ..................................Bin the bear

[Mirkwood]

There is some really good advice on this thread.

I'll give you some as well.

How you are feeling is normal. Think about it in black and white.
I'd guess your job and lifestyle in Afganistan is a bit boring. You haven't got a girlfriend. You are mixed race and don't feel like you belong.

Suddenly, you have discovered this wonderful place. Thailand.

Everyone likes you. Days are spent walking round shopping, having sex and drinking.

First time you go out looking for a female partner you not only meet your dream girl but she falls in love with you.

You spend the rest of the holiday having sex and you are both broken hearted to part.

And they all lived happily ever after.....................


But they don't.

It's about your money my friend.

If you had turned up in Bangkok with no money you would have been treated like a dog. For starters, Thai's are the most racist people on planet earth. Yes, they act lovely to foreigners if they get money out of them but that's all.

When your girl walked up to you. If you hadn't bought her a drink and acted in a kind hearted manner that gave her the right signs,she wouldn't have bothered speaking to you.

Most blokes on here have fallen for TG's exactly the same as you.

Now here is what you don't know.

Your girl probably did have big feelings for you while you were with her. She's probably had this senario several times and is in contact with all the men.

When you went home and told your mates about what a loving girl you had met, she was on the phone to her mother saying ' I think I have man fall in love with me'.

Like the hooks been baited. See what happens.

Thai girls bait lots of hooks hoping a fish will bite. It's all they can do. They only have their pussy and mouth to snare you. The money is in your pocket. That's the only tools they have to extract it.

It would take too long to explain on here all the Thai culture issues, bar girl mentality, relationships between working girls and customers and money relationships.

To be honest even if you read it all and understood it some things can only be learned through experience.

I promise you what you are feeling/thinking is not the same as whats going on in your girls head.

Thailand and Thai girls are great.

If you start coming here there is no reason you can't find happiness with a girl.

However, before you even think about settling down with one I'd tick all these box's.


1. Fuck at least 100 different Thai girls.

2. Go long time (ie spend days/weeks/months) with lots of them.

3. Have arguements and fights with some.

4. Go home with some and meet the family.

5. Go short time with lots of them.

6. Talk to as many as you can.

7. Learn about Thai culture and more importantly Thai bar culture.

8. Speak to as many people as you can who have married bar girls.

After that lot you might be ready for a crack at one.

Young fella like yourself. I'd come here for fun and leave it at that if you can.


10 months is like 100 years in the life of a bar girl. She probably won't be seeing you next trip. You'll spend a day or so mopping around then you'll meet another one and have just as much fun. Dont worry about it.

[Isee]

I'll use Mirkys reply to add some of my own thoughts for the OP.

If you had turned up in Bangkok with no money you would have been treated like a dog. For starters, Thai's are the most racist people on planet earth. Yes, they act lovely to foreigners if they get money out of them but that's all.

Unfortunately very true. Thais are about getting money from others while keeping their own. You may think you have found an exception, but its just a facade - even if she was driving around in a Porsche and shopping at Paragon on daddys credit card, she's just as interested in your wealth as much as a pattaya bargirl.

Thai girls bait lots of hooks hoping a fish will bite.

Very true again, the best case scenario for you is that you might (on the looks/age/wealth department) be the preferred fish in the bowl, but if one of the other fish offer her a good enough deal today, you aren't No. 1 on the list anymore. A smart girl will keep you on the backburner in case things don't work out and give you any number of reasons to the change of their availability. They are looking for financial security (be that short or longterm), it doesn't matter if that security is you or someone else despite what they may say.

It would take too long to explain on here all the Thai culture issues, bar girl mentality, relationships between working girls and customers and money relationships.

Agreed, even if you wrote a book on it, someone somewhere will say its rubbish and that they know this thai/wife/GF etc....Yes there are the exceptions, but its easier to talk broadly to get the point across instead of diluting your point all the time with qualifying exceptions.

I could tell you after all my observations that the general population of thai people are stupid who focus only on the gains of today rather than the riches of tomorrow. Thais are so caught up on being materialistic and gaining "face" - that they do some very stupid things. One example is a thai guy who spent 100k baht on building a "bung-fai" (rocket) and then had his car repossessed the next month because he missed his car payments to pay for the rocket. Why did he do it? He wanted to big note himself to the locals and gain that all important "thai face" at the expense of his daily transport.

But as I said, someone will take an exception to such a broad statement and come back saying its just being the "usual thai bashing". I've met guys who had such a strong view that everything was the usual "thai bashing" and met them some time later holding quite a different view. Its all about how much you see and how much your eyes are open. Plonking yourself in your favourite beerbar in Pattaya is not going to give you the insight of seeing how the games can be quite similar elsewhere in thailand. The more savy you get with how things are suppose to be, the more you should start to see that thai smile dip a little each time. When they work out they can't play you, you then start to see the real thai attitude.

If you start coming here there is no reason you can't find happiness with a girl.

Agreed, the hard part is finding the right girl for you. Some will dismiss Issan girls (whether they are bargirls or not) as never being suitable - but the supposedly Hi-So thai/chinese girls are just as good (if not better) at fukking you over than any village lass.

I know a very educated girl in BKK whose profession is an accountant whose company does consultant work for companies checking their financial records etc (investigative stuff). When I first met her she had the usual story - thai BF's are bad etc etc and after having a farang BF for a while, she could never have another thai BF again. Its been about 2 years now (we've just been friends) and she finally exposed a bit of truth that she really wants a "good" (aka well off) thai/chinese guy, but is settling for a farang because she knows she won't snag said thai/chinese guy. The reason why, is that while she herself has got a chunk of thai/chinese DNA, one of her grandparents is full Issan. Yep, a well off thai/chinese family wouldn't allow their son to marry into such a family if the son doesn't want to be financially disowned. So the poor farang sod that marries her will never be what she really wanted - despite her denying that is the case.


4. Go home with some and meet the family.

hmmmm...you'd have to have a few trips under your belt and pretty confident about some of the games that go on in the village on such trips. Unless you've gone through everything else and "think" the girl is right for you, I don't see any point going to their village - especially if you are only over for 2 something weeks.

Two final comments:

1. Yusa is right about about likening it to a jungle - you are only going to see and understand so much. After a while of hacking away, you might see a little farther. The thai way is both simplistic and complex - a lot of hacking at the jungle to start to see what things are about.

2. Not sure if it was Yusa or Mirky who raised this point - life goes on after you leave and the girls still have to pay for rent etc. Some guys accept that the bird will continue working (yes she was on the job with you) and some can't deal with that reality. Its the latter who are the most willing to go down the full-time sponsorship route. Despite what a lot of girls will say, not all of them are looking forward to returning to village life.

[ROLAND]

I now have a lump of concrete for a heart and a peanut for a brain when I go on my hols. That way I don't think too much or get carried away with stupid ideas

[Isee]

^ don't you have two peanuts down there for that brain?? :MyEmoticons-com__er

[timanonymous]

I have to let her go. This is what she emailed me:

I miss you so much and never forget our time we had together and hope we will see each other again and have a good time together.

if you come next time around holiday. Might can not come to see you. cause I have to spend time with my family.

Do your friend know that you have a buffalo in Thailand? Did you show our picture to them? and what they say?

This sunday i will go home for 2 days off on mon-tue. don't give me a call not comfortable for me to pick up. when i'm back on wednesday i will call you later.

everytime when I'm talk to you. my little son always snatch the fone from me.

I will love and miss you as always.

Talk to you later.

I think she said if you come next time around holiday. Might can not come to see you. cause I have to spend time with my family. because I had come during the Thai New Year but maybe she meant holiday in general.

I wont email her or call her anymore. I will only reply but not initiate.

Thank you all.

[Isee]

Very strange for a thai bird to refer to herself as a buffalo...almost unheard of.

[bigphill67]

Bin the bear

drink the beer its should be illegal to throw away good beer

[timanonymous]

Yea the buffalo thing is an inside joke. We are both buffalos. I actually had a whole bar on Soi 4 doing the special buffalo dance one evening.

[Isee]

I actually had a whole bar on Soi 4 doing the special buffalo dance one evening.

Got any video of that, never heard of it.

[timanonymous]

Well, basically it's a dance that we made up together as a joke. I asked her, what animal do you want to be because we were thinking about going to the zoo. She said "Cat, no wait, I think buffalo". We started laughing.

After the zoo we went drinking at the bar that she works and I asked her how a buffalo can dance. She said she didn't know, so I took two fingers and put them on my head like horns and danced a little. Then a few of the other bar girls laughed and started doing it. Then some farangs started doing it. Basically several tequila shots later the whole bar was making little horns dancing and nobody knew why they were doing it.

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath.

One of the million reasons why I need to go back to Bangkok.

[ROLAND]

Give her the flick, if you don't you'll end up like Mirkwood

[simie]

Tim, yes Bangkok is a great place but one thing to remember as well as the other things previous posters have said is that how ever long you stay in Bangkok you are a foreigner as far as the Thais are concerned and always will be. Even if you are mistaken for a Thai at first sight they will know you are farang as soon as you open your mouth and it is very unlikley you will ever be able to speak Thai well enough to fool them otherwise.
Simie.

[KeeNeow]

I think it is already too late for you Tim. Throw your phone away now and you may still have chance if not you we will talking about you as the new Mirkwood for years too come.

[Mirkwood]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I now have a lump of concrete for a heart and a peanut for a brain when I go on my hols. That way I don't think too much or get carried away with stupid ideas

I must admit to being surprised at this quote.

I always thought Roland had a lobotomy :bigfinger

[timanonymous]

After 3 more years in this war, I'm seriously thinking about moving to Bangkok.

Yea, I'm insane but I am thinking about it seriously.

It's not for the girl I met. It's because I belong there. I never felt home anywhere else I have lived (US, England, Afghanistan, China, Mexico, United Arab Emirates). I can't explain it. I feel homesick right now and it's not for the Fayetteville, North Carolina or Uxbridge, Middlesex. It's for Bangkok, Thailand.

I'll use the money from my contracts to finance a tuition, room, and board at a university in Bangkok. I made great grades at University of Michigan so there shouldn't be a problem getting accepted. I'll get a graduate degree there and then start a new life. I really think I can pull it off.

I'm not talking about getting married or financing a gold digging bitch. I'm talking about moving to Bangkok and making it work.

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4033/4525833994_d6d7698aea.jpg

[simie]

Tim, well good luck to you if you can make it work. However be aware that a lot of Universities in Thailand are crap and any qualification from them would be relatively worthless. Also of course you would be limited to a small numbers of Universities and courses that are offered in English.
Simie.

[ROLAND]

Fatal mistake , Bangkok is for holidays and fucking whores.

[yusamile]

Tim wait till you get a load of female Thai Uni students , you wont learn a thing, you'll never be able to concentrate in class . Google it and see for yourself. One of my favorite past times in Chiang Mai was eating ice cream in Swensens in the mall and watching the girls from the uni across the road come in after school. Tight white blouses, short tight black skirts, high heels and long legs , pert breasts, beautiful creamy white skin , long black hair, stunning :eyepop:....and they were the boys .

[ROLAND]

Tim wait till you get a load of female Thai Uni students , you wont learn a thing, you'll never be able to concentrate in class . Google it and see for yourself. One of my favorite past times in Chiang Mai was eating ice cream in Swensens in the mall and watching the girls from the uni across the road come in after school. Tight white blouses, short tight black skirts, high heels and long legs , pert breasts, beautiful creamy white skin , long black hair, stunning :eyepop:....and they were the boys .

And gorgeous Thai uni students won't look twice unless with disdain at a fat falang sex tourist , even one who looks a bit 50/50

[Isee]

And gorgeous Thai uni students won't look twice unless with disdain at a fat falang sex tourist , even one who looks a bit 50/50

Not true at all - uni girls need money as well, so some of them will be up for having a sponsor or a quick burst to their finances when the rent is due etc (be it thai or farang). The problem is they haven't really had much contact with farangs and the communication barrier (if you can't speak thai at a conversational level) will be the real deal breaker. I reckon Yusa would have a good shot at getting one, however having seen a pic of you Roland, I can understand why they would react as you described :hello:

[ROLAND]

Not true at all - uni girls need money as well, so some of them will be up for having a sponsor or a quick burst to their finances when the rent is due etc (be it thai or farang). The problem is they haven't really had much contact with farangs and the communication barrier (if you can't speak thai at a conversational level) will be the real deal breaker. I reckon Yusa would have a good shot at getting one, however having seen a pic of you Roland, I can understand why they would react as you described :hello:

Hark at Brad Pitt :bigfinger

[foz]

Tim are you winding us up..............is this mirky in another name?

[timanonymous]

Tim are you winding us up..............is this mirky in another name?
__________________
How are you?.......................24

No I promise you that I am someone completely different and really am as crazy as I sound

[yusamile]

Not true at all - uni girls need money as well, so some of them will be up for having a sponsor or a quick burst to their finances when the rent is due etc (be it thai or farang).
My thoughts exactly.


The problem is they haven't really had much contact with farangs and the communication barrier (if you can't speak thai at a conversational level) will be the real deal breaker. I reckon Yusa would have a good shot at getting one, however having seen a pic of you Roland, I can understand why they would react as you described :hello:
Funny !



.........................:hoho:

[ROLAND]

.........................:hoho:

I thought you preferred 50 year old Beach Road skanks :mooney:

[Mirkwood]

I thought you preferred 50 year old Beach Road skanks

Oh dear. Full of venom as ususal.:raspberry:

[ROLAND]

Oh dear. Full of venom as ususal.:raspberry:

And you want to get a spell checker

[timanonymous]

This story of a foreign guy who goes to Nana and falls in love with a bar girl has played out an uncountable number of times. I knew about this happening to men even before I left for Thailand but the reason why I can fall for something I knew was coming was because it was so convincing.

She cried three times over the two weeks that I was there because I was talking about "when I leave...". She never asked for money but yes I did give it to her. When we made love she initiated it. When I call her she tells me that she loves me. All her friends told me that I was the first person she had ever gone home with let alone spend 2 weeks with. They told *her* (not me) not to fall in love.

It's too convincing. I tell this to people who have been to Bangkok before and they tell me that something similar happened to them too. Maybe this girl is different but how could I ever know that the way she acted was not just an elaborate plot to get into my finances.

I can't stand the idea that dating has to be as hard as it is for me back in the US. I hate how in the west I go out and maybe find some girl to bring along but she isn't the most beautiful woman I could want. I have to "settle" with someone. Or maybe she is beautiful but has a feeling of entitlement proportional to her beauty. In Bangkok I just sat down at a bar by myself, and the most beautiful woman in the bar walked up to me and said, "Hello, etc etc well, welcome to Bangkok". Then we went out all over town and although she was beautiful she didn't feel like every guy owed her something. But maybe none of it was real. I remember when I we were in one of the really posh clubs I asked her, "Am I dreaming?" and she said, "No, you are not dreaming" and then pinched my leg to demonstrate.

Me walking up to someone I like and for them to be shocked that someone like me would even ask the time of day, is the reality.

It's like for 2 weeks I was living someone else's life but then I woke up and realized that no, I am not THAT successful, or THAT attractive and I just want to go back to sleep.

I don't think alot of people are prepared for all the entire world has to offer (both the bad and the good). I think the world is dangerous. Not just because of obvious things like third country nationals with AK-47s but because of ALL the desires and temptations outside of the comfortable place I used to live in North Carolina. I think there are still many things I have not seen that you can desire so much that you would do ANYTHING for. I think everything that is out there is mostly documented but not really well known to most people. Bangkok I think is an example of this.

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4063/4534997539_bdddd13e2a.jpg

[ROLAND]

She is a whore who fucks guys like you for a living. She simply told you what you wanted to hear and right now she is sucking another guys dick telling him the same thing.

[Frankie]

Tim

The girl is one of two things:

1. A bargirl who's job it is to make you (or any other customer) feel good and is paid in return. She quickly works out what you want and tells you exactly what you want to hear. Its all part of the job.

2. The real deal. How your going to establish this is impossible as your not even in the same country, don't understand the culture and cant speak the language. Same as me.

As you met her in a bar then by default she is a bargirl, maybe not as hardened as others but that will be acquired in a matter of weeks. Obviously on your next trip meet up with her if you want and take it from there, but just concentrate on having a good time.

As for "belonging" in Thailand I think most of us feel the same way, although the pull may be stronger for you. One thing though, Thailand does not want us on a permanent basis. Bear that in mind. You might think you belong there but any Thai will tell you different and that is backed up with strict Government legislation.

Hope it all works out for you. You eventually get used to thinking about the LOS every day, longing to return and logging on to Thailand related web boards every day.

I was warned before I went to Thailand that I would be "fucked for ever" and I am. So are you now.

[foz]

If its not mirky in desquise its some other odd bod...................should we have a poll on who it is ?

[ROLAND]

Tim

The girl is one of two things:

1. A bargirl who's job it is to make you (or any other customer) feel good and is paid in return. She quickly works out what you want and tells you exactly what you want to hear. Its all part of the job.

2. The real deal. How your going to establish this is impossible as your not even in the same country, don't understand the culture and cant speak the language. Same as me.

As you met her in a bar then by default she is a bargirl, maybe not as hardened as others but that will be acquired in a matter of weeks. Obviously on your next trip meet up with her if you want and take it from there, but just concentrate on having a good time.

As for "belonging" in Thailand I think most of us feel the same way, although the pull may be stronger for you. One thing though, Thailand does not want us on a permanent basis. Bear that in mind. You might think you belong there but any Thai will tell you different and that is backed up with strict Government legislation.

Hope it all works out for you. You eventually get used to thinking about the LOS every day, longing to return and logging on to Thailand related web boards every day.

I was warned before I went to Thailand that I would be "fucked for ever" and I am. So are you now.

Come on and be realistic, there is more chance of Shergar being found than the second option being right. You say it yourself that there is a language and culture barrier and she has simply played the game and hooked another punter.
I bet you a million quid she is a hardcore pro and more regular punters than I've had hot dinners.

[yusamile]

I thought you preferred 50 year old Beach Road skanks :mooney:

I do, but WTF has that got to do with anything :dunno: ? Pay closer attention to my trip reports and you'll notice i dont restrict myself to a particular age bracket or a particular look,...i'll fuck em all. :raspberry:.

Tim, I knew a guy in the American armed services who was stationed in the Middle East and almost identical to you came to Phuket for the first time and fell for a bargirl. We warned him, but he thought she was different and started investing money and time into her . But she never left the bar even though she said she would and she was off with another farang while he was still sending her money. Its really hard to know what to do,....but go slow and keep your wits about you,.....thats if you can while your under the spell of the raven haired seductress.

One of the unfortunate things about Thailand is that so many lying conniving bar girls have fucked it up for any girls that are possibly genuine. So many girls have fucked over so many guys before with the exact same scenario your in now,....the tears , the genuine concern, not asking for money etc ( now in some cases thats almost the best way to guarantee getting paid . The less a girl talks about money with me the more i am inclined to give her,...its like reverse psychology and when it come to money TG's are pretty clever ) , which leads you to think as so many have thought before " maybe she's different " .

Its a little like the Thai version of " The boy who cried Wolf ", only its " The girl who cried and said she loved me ",...... how can you really know the truth. :dunno:

[Frankie]

Come on and be realistic, there is more chance of Shergar being found than the second option being right. You say it yourself that there is a language and culture barrier and she has simply played the game and hooked another punter.
I bet you a million quid she is a hardcore pro and more regular punters than I've had hot dinners.

Just trying to use a bit of tact and diplomacy Loland and looking at things from the two differing points of view.

Personally I would go with Option 1 but the OP is unlikely to see things in such a simplistic way.

[timanonymous]

Okay I'm done with her. I'm letting her go and NOTHING she says or does will change that. God help me.

Is this how crack addicts feel?

Still going to apply at Chulalongkorn Uni though.

[bigphill67]

If its not mirky in desquise its some other odd bod...................should we have a poll on who it is ?

my monies on you your the one all loved up :snigger: :snigger:

[bigphill67]

Okay I'm done with her. I'm letting her go and NOTHING she says or does will change that. God help me.

Is this how crack addicts feel?

Still going to apply at Chulalongkorn Uni though.

so whats made you feel like this tim your nine months away from your next trip a text a week will keep in touch with her, then when your there meet a new girl see if its the same or not and make your decisions then :juggle:

[timanonymous]

so whats made you feel like this tim your nine months away from your next trip a text a week will keep in touch with her, then when your there meet a new girl see if its the same or not and make your decisions then

Everybody knows about the story of the farang who falls in love with a thai bar girl but I thought I was different because I'm young and think I am an excellent judge of character. I think I am actually a pretty cynical and suspicious person so I like to think that nothing gets past me.

In the past if I have been tricked or cheated it is because I saw the warning signs but completely ignored them.

However, the more I read these forums the more suspicious I become of my girl. I told her before I left that I understood that she needs to work. I even told her that if she needs to sleep with customers in order to make it in Bangkok that I would understand but I told her that it was her heart that I wanted.

I am suspicious that her heart is not mine and that it was never mine. I don't like to have this doubt in my mind for 9 months. So I just want to let her go (I struggle with myself though).

Here's her texting on my company phone yesterday:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2757/4538938878_cce565a979_m.jpg

I swear if after all I have seen, if she isn't crazy about me, then any guy who goes to Land of Siam is doomed. It's like Bangkok is the blackhole for men's hearts.

I am not the kind of person to talk about "love" or how I "feel" about some woman. I haven't had my heart broken since I was 15 when I thought I "learned" better than to let a girl lead me on. They have ever since meant nothing to me. Something that was secondary to my career or education, but then this girl came along in my vacation away from my vacation and I realized that I can still want a woman to desire me and not just the other way around.

If she's crazy about me then I hurt cause I am suspicious. If she's not crazy about me then I hurt cause she isn't.

[foz]

you need a doctor tim

[ROLAND]

You're not the first and you won't be the last to lose the plot over a bargirl, trouble is you think you're the only one to feel like this.

[KeeNeow]

Simple test next time you come back to Thailand stay with her and don't give any money other than buying her food and and drinks and see how long she stays with you. I know I m cynical but it is for a good reason I don't believe them.

[ROLAND]

Simple test next time you come back to Thailand stay with her and don't give any money other than buying her food and and drinks and see how long she stays with you. I know I m cynical but it is for a good reason I don't believe them.

I'll go for 5 seconds

[foz]

Ill go if he dosent send her any money she wont even turn up

[Isee]

I didn't think I would be posting again on this thread, but:

I'm going to go against a couple of people here and not be so harsh on the girl. Its very easy for us to sit here and put our negative experiences in LOS to cast a view based on what you have said. To put things into perspective, there is more than one member on this forum who have permanent GF/wives that they first met in the bar scene.

You really need to put things into perspective yourself - so while one can generalise about thais, you might meet 100 thais in a row to confirm that general view and once in a while, you will meet someone who is a bit different (no, this isn't the same as "my girl is different because she's my girl"). So really, you are the best judge to determine the character of someone because you spent the time with her. Being the first time interacting with thais, you just need to learn a few of the common "tricks of the trade" so to speak, which you can assess a girl you think is a bit different.

OK, getting back to putting things into perspective:

1. Thai love is not the same as Western love. Thai love is much more practical than some of the western girls silly notions of a "Shinning Knight" or a "Tall dark and handsome guy" to sweep them off their feet and live happily ever after like all good fairytales end. So you saying you want to secure her heart is really a wrong approach - because bargirls just like anyone else have to protect their feelings just like anyone else and too many bad experiences will make them just as jaded and non-trusting as some of us on here.

2. About being one of the fish in the pond - just being practical. In the West we refer to the ole saying of "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" - thats a concept that thais live by everyday of the week - can't blame the girl for keeping her options open.

3. Time will tell. If you can put your feeling in check for a while, see how things progress with the girl - just keep away from the frequent "I love you - I wait for you" sort of texts - so you need to get that one into check straight away. If between now and going back you start to get requests about not having enough money etc, then you can start to be more critical of her short term motives. Tell her you can't help her and see if she keeps up with the level of contact as before. If she asks for silly amounts like 10k to go see the doctor, once again you have something to confirm where things are. There are 100's of possibilities, if you aren't sure - post it on here and see what some of the responses are. It could well be she wants to decrease the number of guys she sleeps with but also being realistic that bills have to be paid. A modest girl in BKK can get away with about 10k a month (6k for rent and 4k food etc) - anymore and she is choosing the lifestyle she wants to live.

Anyway, that is the gist of things for the moment, if you want to see her again when you get back, tone things down a bit and test things out over the next 9 months. The fact that you are wanting to go live there for a while would be a huge draw card for any girl if you told her. Even though I say thais are generally stupid, some can be quite clever in the short-term to not ask for money etc. Where thais really come unstuck is they aren't very good liars and if you have a good memory, you can generally pick up the inconsistencies. Same with being there and not giving her money, if she is working, she has bills to pay - can't pay her nothing and expect her to take out a chunk of her money for the month just because you are there.

As I said previously, things are both simple and complex in the LOS. If she's after a quick buck, it should become obvious soon enough. If she's looking for long-term security (thai love) then that is going to be a longer road to travel. So basically, no one really knows if she is a hardcore bargirl looking to separate as much cash from you as she can before you wise up or a girl ultimately looking for a guy who will look after her and get her out of the bar scene. There are so many variables, I could write just as much more as I have above. You say you are pretty switched on in assessing people, listen to what people say here and see whether that is applicable to your observations and commonsense. Just don't go from one extreme to the other.

[simie]

Isee, and in another thread you said I think too much!
Simie.

[Isee]

555 Just giving the lad some food for thought - can't have him thinking after 1 trip all thais are liars and scammers - thats an attitude reserved for after the 3rd trip :propbar:

[charlieparty]

Tim, I've witnessed these love affairs for many years. The track record is not good but I have seen some miracles happen. I can empathize with your situation of being away from women for long stretches of time. I enjoy staying in touch with the bar girls. It gives me a laugh and let's me feel connected to the outside world. But, that's as far as it goes. I don't send them money and I don't delude myself into thinking that they're not telling the next guy the same thing they told me. By the time I make a return trip to whatever city, I'm ready to find the next one. Give yourself a few more trips and all the good advice on this thread will become apparent. You're a young dude and will have plenty of opportunity to settle down with a special girl if that's what you want. I'm a lifelong bachelor with no kids and intend to remain that way. As long as I have cash in my pocket, women around the world will always love me.

[ROLAND]

What a sensible post. Who let him on here ?

[charlieparty]

Thanks Roland. That was good for a laugh. You should have seen me last month in AC. I was head over heels in love and acting like the last of the bigtime spenders. Not to mention pissed out of my head every night.

[ROLAND]

Thanks Roland. That was good for a laugh. You should have seen me last month in AC. I was head over heels in love and acting like the last of the bigtime spenders. Not to mention pissed out of my head every night.

Sounds like me and Baz there dancing

[Mirkwood]

What a sensible post. Who let him on here ?

It's me under an alias

[monkeyspanker]

It's me under an alias

not chav enough...thought you were glitterman:nono:

[ROLAND]

Thanks Roland. That was good for a laugh. You should have seen me last month in AC. I was head over heels in love and acting like the last of the bigtime spenders. Not to mention pissed out of my head every night.
Hope you have some pics to post here

[charlieparty]

Wish I did. I'd surely share. I'll work on that for next trip.

[Mirkwood]

Charlie.

Dont get lulled into false sense of security. Rolands mentally challenged.

[charlieparty]

I reckon that applies to most of us on this board. Will the sane ones among us please identify themselves?

[bouncer]

That would be me then............. dancing

[grimmy]

There is so much to read on this topic,

My advise is unless you are in Thailand keep this situation cool, it will just do your head in otherwise. Keep busy stay in basic contact and then see how things go when you get back.
10 months is a long long time in the life of a bargirl, be prepared for upset and shock.